It is widely held that Shakespeare is the greatest playwright of all time. (It’s also widely held that he didn’t exist but that’s for another day). I am going to claim something else about Mr. William Shakespeare…
He’s an arsonist.
You might be saying, “Woah, pump the brakes on the Hate train chief, there is no evidence to support what you are claiming.” Well chugga chugga because this is the “little Hate train that could” and we don’t slow down for doubters.
So on this day (June 29), in 1613, Shakespeare’s famous Globe Theater burned to the ground. That’s not very shocking considering the entire structure was made of wood. It only takes one loose screw to burn wood (including a match and stuff) and Shakespeare is that screw.
Let’s list the facts of the case.
- The Globe Theater was built by Shakespeare’s acting company, the Lord Chamberlain’s Men.
Let’s pause for a moment and just acknowledge how stupid of a name Lord Chamberlain’s Men is for an acting company. They sound like a proud and rambunctious group of indentured servants that lacked the creative intellect to separate themselves from their Lord. Instead of naming themselves after oh I don’t know the most famous playwright ever, they chose to swear allegiance to their feudal Lord in even their recreational activities. Shakespeare likely held this against them.
2. The Globe Theater was simply a transplant of another theater, the Burbage Theater. Literally, the same wood used to build the Burbage was used to build the Globe.
Okay, here is a pretty solid clue. It’s no shock that Shakespeare might be a little peeved about a transplant theater. I mean he is William Shakespeare. If anybody ever should have an original theater, it’s this guy. Imagine LeBron James needs a basketball court constructed at his house. So his Cavalier teammates scurry over to the closest public Parks and Rec building, rip up the gym floors and take down the hoops, U Haul it back to LeBron’s house and expect everything to be peaches and cream. No! LeBron doesn’t want someone else’s court. He wants his own! Let’s just leave it at this…Nobody asks for a used car for Christmas.
3. The Globe Theater was an open air theater.
Quick show of hands, how many people like baking in the sun while watching an all men cast perform Romeo and Juliet? That’s a resounding no. I gotta believe that Shakespeare didn’t either.
4. Lord Chamberlain’s Men constructed another theater, the Blackfriars Theater with a roof in 1608.
Doubtlessly a response to heat complaints from Shakespeare himself. It’s likely that this theater had A/C for summer usage. That, or Shakespeare hired more Chamberlain Men to cool down the room like they were blowing out candles on a birthday cake.
5. Shakespeare was quoted saying this.
Great right: Cooler new indoor theater.
Little wrong: Burn down the old theater.
duh.
Folks, if we compile all of the evidence, I think it points to Mr. Shakespeare having a pretty jaded frame of mind when it came to outdoor theaters. It is not beyond reason that Shakespeare burned down his old theater to be more comfortable indoors. Also, the Globe Theater burning down likely garnered a lot of sympathy. Think about it, when your house burns down friends come alongside and offer condolences and sometimes, money. In the same way, Shakespeare realized that his theater burning down would be a great publicity stunt and he would likely get a couple wads of cash just out of sympathy. Genius.
If none of those arguments swayed you, here’s another quote I found.
That’ll do.
Also, if you still think this claim is outrageous or unfounded, check out Maya Angelou’s thought…
…I might not be so crazy.
-DFunk
The Daily Funk 